Hideeyafuu.Ozu

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” 

― Ambrose Bierce

Basically I was hurt by her speech. Yeap I was wrong, my actions was wrong and I admit it. Still, for you to have said those words, for those words to even come out from your mouth. I thought it was IMPOSSIBLE. Wanted to, needed to breakdown, but i found myself feeling chocked, holding back my tears who is waiting for the right time to fall. It really hurts to hear those words coming out from your mouth. I was wrong, yes I was but to say that you don't want to live with me when you grow old  stabs right through me. I could totally feel my heart hurting, didn't even realise that I was able to actually understand how bad it felt when your heart hurts.  Guess you are not even aware that what you said hurt me because you are well, angry with me.

SIGH, whatever, i think my periods coming that I am this emotional but whatever. Just so you know how much it hurts to hear those words coming out from your mouth even though you're angry. Trying to be better but don't know if those words will hold me down and turn into a grudge. sigh. coz some times, this words stops me from trying to change into some one better because I find no use improving myself when after all, that is the perception that you have of me. Studying hard and all this just to make you proud doesn't seem to matter anymore.  I don't know, for that 1 second, after you said those words, I feel that whatever I have been doing  this past 19 years doesn't make sense anymore. There is like that 1 second when I want to give up in live because yes it hurts that much. well again, guess you won't know because you're busy being angry at me and luring all those words without thinking a bit, just a bit about how I feel.

It's been a while since I felt the pinch to your scoldings/naggings. This one hit me hard. Now, everything doesn't seem right anymore. Hope this shitty feelings past fast. :/