"From Him we come & to Him is the return"
*breathes* well, hello there. It's been months since I last update and here I am with a drafted Mecca posts being put on hold because I feel that this is more important. :'( So, as some of you may know, my only 1 grandmother that I have left, on 13 April 2014, left all of us to meet the Almighty Allah SWT. My hands are shaking as I'm typing this because I'm at the verge of breaking down again. Maybe a lot may have already experience what I have gone through, not having all 4 grandparents in this world and today, is the first day that I am experiencing it. Somethings change while the rest stays the same.
Truth to be told, I'm not as close as my dad's mum like how I'm close to my mum's mum because we don't live under one roof. However, I am heartbroken because we often came to visit her during her last week. I even took care of her for a night in the hospital with my sister and at home also, hence the feeling that I felt while taking care of my late grandma was there, exactly the same. Feeling so remorse that I could cry all night. My dad, he was a strong person, I never see him shed any tears in my entire 19 years of live and twice now, I saw him shed tears for his mum. The first was when we received news that grandma was really sick during our pilgrimage and the other was yesterday during tahlil. As her daughter, seeing my dad break down while trying hard to recite was really hard, I couldn't control my tears because he didn't shed any tears when my grandma passed away, not at all until during tahlil. I wonder how much his been holding it in, how hard it must've been for him.
Im really out of words right now, is this the feeling you get when you don't have any grandparents left? So heartbroken, shattered and lonely, it just hurts silently in the heart and no one else knows about it.
"Ya Allah, ampunilah dia, kasihanilah dia, maafkanlah dia, muliakanlah tempatnya, luaskanlah tempat masuknya, mandikanlah dia dengan air, salju dan embun. Sucikanlah dia dari segala kesalahan sebagaimana pakaian disucikan dari najis. Masukkanlah ke dalam syurga dan lindungilah dia dari azab kubur dan azab neraka. Amin"